What do contact tracers do when there's no one left to contact? Very little!

Vintage commercial that featured 'end of the internet' material

Is contact tracing amid Omicron the epitome of futility?

It was just last week that White House medical adviser Dr. Anthony Fauci told the world what many already instinctively knew: that everyone is going to get Omicron, whether they're vaccinated or not, boosted or not, double boosted or not.

If anyone else had said it, they would've been frozen by Facebook, torched by Twitter and yanked by YouTube.

But back to the contact tracers, who must have their heads spinning as they navigate trying to keep up their contact tracing and stay abreast of this most infectious strain.

Remember that commercial when the guy is hanging out online and comes to a screen that says, "You have seen everything there is to see on the internet?"

Is it likely contact tracers will at some point have that same moment ... when they connect the final dots.

It'll go something like this.

The contact tracer calls his supervisor over to his terminal.

"Check it out, boss," he proudly says. "See, right here. That is the last guy in New Hampshire to get Omicron. He got it from a bowling league buddy, who got it from the deli worker where he gets his liverwurst who got it from her hairdresser. These are the last four folks in New Hampshire who caught Omicron. Everyone else has already got it."

"You've done a fine thing for duty and humanity," says the boss. "I guess our job is done here."

"You mean I lose my job, because there's no more people to be contact traced?

"No, wait, not at all," replies the supervisor. "They'll be other strains. In the meantime, why don't you start calling the very first folk you called when the pandemic started.

"See how they're doing. That'll keep you busy till we really need you."

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