Voter Guide: Burn, baby, burn

I’d always planned to do (what we call in the news business) an explainer on the different warrant articles, you know give people the pros and cons of what’s what, from as objective a vantage point that I possibly can.

I felt it could help people out when they’re trying to decide how to vote.

But what the heck, the good folks that run the town took care of that for me. They’re mailing out the official Lebanon Voter Guide 2013  to 3,000 Lebanon households just in time for Election Day.

They’re very happy to hold our hand and help explain to us why we should vote the way they want us to. “Oh, thank you sah, I can’ts understand too much.”

Well, if the government of my town doesn’t feel obligated to present a “fair and balanced” Voter Guide, why in tarnation should I.

I brought up the brazen political nature of the Voter Guide at last week’s selectmen’s meeting. Guess what I got? Blank stares from Mr. Frizzell and Ms. Gerrish. We’ve done this in the past, they said. We’re trying to give the voters some explanation of what the articles are about.

For Frizzell, it’s the townhouse project. For Gerrish, it’s the Special Amusement Ordinance the town egregiously under explained last year, and for Mr. Cole, what else, Code Red, which hopefully will flatline come Election Day.

The other article in the Voter Guide explains why we need a constable to track down Lebanites who continue to use New Hampshire auto registrations despite living in Maine, which costs the town hundreds of thousands of dollars each year in lost excise tax revenue.

True that, selectpeople, however the ordinance doesn’t need an explainer. The language in Referendum #2 is pretty darn clear. It reads, “Shall the Town of Lebanon vote to authorize the Board of Selectmen to expend up to $14,000 for the purpose of contracting a Town Constable to enforce motor vehicle registrations in order to be in compliance with Maine law.”

In fact, if you applied the same type language to Referendum #4, the Special Amusement Ordinance question, people would understand that better as well. For instance, instead of saying, “Shall an ordinance entitled ‘Special Amusement Ordinance’ be enacted?” which is clear as mud, just say, “Shall an ordinance entitled ‘Special Amusement Ordinance’ to regulate dancing in town taverns be enacted?”

So anyway, everyone got their pet ordinance in.

The whole problem is the Voter Guide doesn’t contain “explainers.” It contains “persuaders” from the powers that be, plus a letter of achievement from candidate Chairman Bob, who is running for re-election in a tightly contested race.

Ms. Gerrish wants to keep it. She’s running for re-election next year. The question is would she like it as much if she were a candidate running against Chairman Bob on Tuesday. Sure is sweet to get a $1,500 slick campaign mailer days before the election for free.

But c’mon my good selectpeople, the Voter Guide at a cost of probably $1,500 or more is just wrong. Not just because of the money, but because of the intent. Flat out wrong. It’s our taxpayer money being used for political purposes. If you don’t understand that, you don’t belong in office.

There’s a famous short story by Shirley Jackson called “The Lottery” in which every year townspeople draw pieces of paper to decide which unlucky soul will be stoned to death.

Why do they do it?

Because they’ve always done it. It’s tradition.

We used to burn suspected witches and think the world was flat, too.

The Voter Guide is a sham and a scam, with the final insult being it’s produced on our dime.

I say, we burn it at the stake.