A few pigs take advantage of open door policy

While pondering important matters like the Zimmerman case, the looming unrest in Syria, the birth of boy George and whether or not this is the worst summer ever, I can’t seem to stop thinking about the utter decay of a society’s door manners.

That’s right. Door manners. Not as in opening the door for a member of the fairer sex. I ain’t that stupid. No. Not as in holding the door open for a single mom with a suitcase of Bud in one hand and a couple of younguns in the other. Not even an elderly man with a suitcase of Bud in one hand and a cane in the other.

I have no problem with that. No, I’m talking about your typical average Joe (moi) holding the door for another typical Joe (whomever else) at the post office or Cumby’s or the mall or wherever. 

Now age is irrelevant, though I must tell you it’s the younger folks who do this most often. It’s very slick. Let me explain how it goes down.

You get out of your car and stride purposefully to the door of whatever business. Doesn’t matter. With the door handle typically on your right, I typically open it using my left hand, then open the door which swings to my left. As I open past my line of vision I glance back across my shoulder to see if anyone is coming in behind me. I would hate to slam the door in someone’s face, so I always check.

Now if someone’s coming in from behind me, I wait for them to reach out their hand to hold the door open while I enter the store. Then they’re supposed to look behind their shoulder. If no one’s within a couple of steps they let the door close and enter behind me. If there is someone within a couple of steps then it’s on them to wait and do the same.

This, my friends, is the basis of our society, the very fabric of social morays that bind us together. Besides, it’s very basic, simple stuff.

But there’s an insidious new growing group of miscreants that’s threatening this age-old gesture of mutual respect and kinship. It’s the inside move. It’s heinous.

Here’s how it works. You open the door and swing it wide, looking behind you to see if anyone is within a couple of steps. You see someone, you may even make eye contact as they tilt their head slightly upward recognizing you as the courteous door opener.

Then as they approach the door, you breathlessly waiting for them to reach out their left hand to assume the door holding position, they dart to the right, go around your right shoulder and enter the store. Like bloomin’ royalty, they do.

Once they do this you have two choices: 1) you can let the door slam on their worthless butt and probably get sued because you led them to believe you would hold the door open for them like some kind of servant. 2) hold the door open and watch jaw agape as they regally enter said store. 

The worst thing is, they don’t even have the decency to tip you.

So what can be done about it? Not much.

I’m not going to give up my humanity by being an uncivilized pig.

However, if I were one of these types who continue to try to parlay a person’s goodwill into becoming their own personal door servant … I’d watch your back.